Friday, March 26, 2010

Where does it hurt?

Why do people pay money to ride it thing when all you get is humiliation and a wedgie? See cousin slater below.

Friday, March 5, 2010

he's really docile

Dude! An arrest. A dead person. A naked girl. 2 random people lying in the street. What more could you ask for?

once again, the halfway house delivered a show, and you better believe we were at the kitchen window to witness the whole scene. this time some man was arrested. it was later pointed out that this house has produced every kind of incident in the books...really tho. all types and categories of criminal offenses. mm got'cha covered.

guess who came into work last night? cody kirk. WHAT?! i know...all i could say (literally) is why are you here? like in the state of utah...? anyway i guess he's getting married which is pretty neat. xav came over and we watched, by his request, emp's new groove. sweet. and apparently betty is a rainbow trout, which i'm sure i knew in my heart, just didn't care enough to mentally aknowledge. also let it be known that i am finally embarking upon the journey that is harry potter. i started the first book yesterday. pretty exciting stuff.

the highlight of my day though...which truly is saying a lot...was that emily was on this awesome rant.

"Rumplestiltskin. That's what i am. I'm just grumpy. That is all."

"Dood! these carrots cost 89 cents. its like......what's wrong with them?...Ya know?"

"i feel like i've been fooled. just like you were fooled. don't they want to find love too??"

"to produce them? to harvest them? to ship them to the grocery store?...i mean to have to package them?? it doesn't make sense."

"i'm very marryable...i'm a good. time."

....AND the same time i have to pay 45 bucks for a cotton t-shirt! its like...what is that?!"

perhaps i could offered some words of advice or comfort, but i was just laughing the whole time. i am good for nothing when these types of lines start getting thrown around. i just melt into a ball of silent laughter. which, let's be honest, is all i think she really needs when she's in a poor mood. i always know its gonna be good when her sentence begins with dood.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

can i haave it

this month i am devoting my efforts to the pursuit of being fed primarily by boys, with top ramen as my backup. because i would rather spend my money on shoes. so far its going pretty well.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010


This is not the first time I have eaten spoon me in the library. So im walking in, carrying all my crap, taking a bite of my frozen treat when i run into Sac. She looks at me all baffled at first, then just starts laughing. "How do you get past security tho?" I don't know...i just walk in. So I join the table and minutes later it becomes apparent that Sac is hungry. "Do you have any food Linx?" No, i don't think so. "But you always have food." Maybe, ill check. I peer into my blackhole of a purse and to my surprise start pulling out, one by one, items I didn't even know were in there. One stick left of a nature valley oats n' honey bar. A third of a chocolate power bar. A bag of crushed oreos. 3 lifesavers left in the silver foil. By this time we are both dying laughing. Cashews. A hershey kiss. An open bag of baby carrots- only 4 left. A bottle of water. Another hershey kiss. Silent, uncontrollable, contagious laughter and so many tears, with huge gasps of air in between. It was the kind of laughter that can only be compared to the time I said Brother Ernie during opening prayer.

In my defense, most of these items are the remnant snacks of our roadtrip. While i've been known to have a food stash on me at all times (as evidenced by sac's disbelief when i said i didn't have any) this was a rare and extreme situation. Liz, however, calls my purse the Mary Poppin's carpetbag, and I'm starting to believe that maybe that description is accurate.

i hope you have a blast in las vejas

thanks maury, ill try. and thanks dad, i did. it was a great trip. we left thursday evening and stayed that night in st. george at some family friends of rachel's. let me just tell you that hanging out with their children was not only reason enough to make the trip, but also to consider going again very very soon.

food. so much food. garlic bread, some sort of delicious meat and bean dish, veggies with ranch, cereal, waffles, various juices and more. that dang garlic bread though, i tell ya...he just kept it comin.

ice skating. the korean with the classic blue dress was my fav. why do ice skaters think they have to have some crazy complicated outfits? simplicity is beautiful. and i love the olympics.

rest. the sleeping situation in st. george was beyond ideal. "...who slept on the couch? she is a crazy sleeper..." yeah i know. i listen to her coo every night. rachel read us scriptures before bed and the combination of her voice slash tone with the material was so soothing. it put me right to sleep.

VEGAS! the next morning we arrived in sunny and wannabe "fabulous" Las Vegas. first order of business was to get some in n' out. clearly. i convinced liz to try a double double and she wasn't disappointed. there was some tension about milkshakes but we're all still friends. the pigeons were terrorizing rachel. somehow i got down to like a fourth left of my bun and toppins but i was all out of patty.

shopping. we went to the outlets and everyone got a bunch of new shtuff. highlights include rainboots, a hOOdie, jeans, dresses, cardigans and various shoe items. we checked into our hotel, took something similar to a brief nap, and got all dressed up to go out for sushi which...was... FANTASTIC. if only i could find a man that would take me out for sushi. 007 with spicy crab, philidelphia, cucumber, sugar daddy, eel was all to die for. we counted it was somethin like 9 rolls that we ordered for the four of us. not too shabby. "i think im just in love with the eel sauce." the rest of the night we just hit up all the hotels on the strip, walked around the casinos and stores, and got rejected by mon ami gabi. bananas foster shall remain a mystery to some, at least for the time being. emily and i gambled a whole dollar (count em, one) in a penny slot machine and walked away empty handed. i at least had a good experience because i got to pull the big handle (which is all either of us wanted to do anyway), but emily was shafted for sure. the louis vuitton store lit up like everything else in las vegas, but it was exponentially more beautiful. we were constantly attacked by those men with the girls girls girls shirts slapping the dirty cards in our faces. emily did a really good impression of them. we hit up m&m world which was so much more than i ever even knew. it was seriously sweet and like 5 stories tall. it got late, our dawgs started to hurt and so we turned in for the night.

the next morning we were treated to a delightful continental breakfast. i shamefully spilled my entire cup of oj all over the counter immediately after i had poured it and the lady hated me. which was absolutely unnecessary because i already hated myself for wasting precious juice. the objective for the day was stratosphere all the way. we went on all three of the rides at the top and perhaps even more enjoyable than the thrill of the ride itself was watching rachel cry and liz let go for a split second then grab on to the bar again, let go then grab on, hands never making it past chest height. especially with the contrast of emily-arms fully extended, screaming "ezma, put your hands in the air!!" and leaning over the edge. we shopped more and cruised around the strip until we were too hungry for mexican food to continue. we ate at la salsa and i ravenously finished every bite of food on my burrito ranchero plate.

we went to freemont street and there was some sort of country concert going on for all the nascar folk. i bravely tried deep fried oreos (which sounds like a recipe for bodily disaster) and you know what? i liked it. and liz got a frozen chocolate covered banana like at disneyland. i decided i might take my bananas frozen more often. the texture is phenomenal. this is where it gets crazy. somehow it happened at this point that we were in dire need of and desperately searching for a restroom, to no avail. what was the deal?? we finally snuck into an employee bathroom at a gas station and got caught in the act. then there was rain and a man cupping his eyes and pointing at us. there was darkness and there was confusion and there was an on-ramp near death experience. during which there was silence. we made it back to georgie alive though and went to church the next day with the family we were staying with. this is when so many outrageous pictures of us were drawn by Sarah, their oldest girl. i can't even actually explain what happened here, so you'll just have to come over and see them for yourself as they're currently being displayed on our fridge.

then we visited my grandparents. we ate cheese and crackers and talked about our lives. grandpa dropped some epic lines...which was to be expected but he more than delivered on this particular occasion. The conversation went something like this:

the girls: "Oh yeah I graduated from BYU and have a sweet job." "I still have a bit left, only because I'm double majoring. At BYU of course.""I'm graduated. Yep that's right. From BYU. And I love my job."

Grandpa: "well Lindsay wasn't SMART enough to get into BYU."
.....thanks gramps.

don't feel bad, he didn't mean it like that. plus i yelled at him anyway. hes just sarcastic and doesn't really censor what he says. like how after he sent my mom an email about our visit and said "here's a picture of the girls...after they ate everything that wasn't nailed down." classic. he talked about how vegas was so much better when the mafia ran it, how they used to fly in on their private plane and step out onto a red carpet. sometimes i wonder who this man even is, besides my grandpa.

then we drove back to prov. done. so the moral of the story here for my 21st birthday? check. "that's one more for exotic bird bingo!"

Sunday, February 28, 2010


tomorrow im planning a date with myself and anyone else who would like to join me. activities include a mani/pedi and theraputic car wash. two of the finer things in life. picture this: seat down. "cyclone" by baby bash ft. t-pain on blast. fun foam. spinners. perfect nails. yEah.

okay so perhaps they're irrelated but at the same time it just feels so right. an overall cleansing of the assets if you will. i can't even think of anything better. who's with me.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

left sock theif

People. I continue to wake up with a sockless left foot. Always and only the left! What is the deal?? The right one is always there when I wake up in the morning but for some reason the left one is often no where to be found. There are only two possible explanations for this: A. My left foot is unusually fiesty or B. someone...has been snatching it in my sleep. I've come to the conclusion that it can only be the latter. As for the culprit? "I'll just take $20."